I'm not sure how this is going but will persevere anyway, as an experiment. How long would be enough? Twenty-one days? Am I going to count the days I am away and sans-ordinateur? Hardly. Partly it is working. On the other hand, I am still allowing myself to lie in. It is now 9.51 for example, and I have achieved nothing beyond meditating, my abs routine and my reading session. I am also sick and should really make an appointment to see the doctor. I would call but she doesn't work today. I amn't sure if this isn't the tail-end of my chest infection or something more sinister. I think the latter, although sinister is too strong a word. I think it's something chronic, like sarcoidosis. It could also be hypochondria.
I am in the newspapers today. I think I sound stupid and I have learned a new lesson...speak from your notes, not your head. Am particularly embarrassed by my further education/prison comments in the Irish Times. I was trying to bond with the right-on journalist, instead of sticking to my own job. The Independent also makes it look like I'm claiming one of the sixth years as my own pupil, when she wasn't.
There, I've more or less gone and identified myself, although I am sure that no-one reads this besides me.
I have a voucher for a leisure centre and am considering going there to see if the steam room and sauna will help my chest. This feels insurmountable, which is worrisome. I'd have to go down there and how would that fit in with getting my eyebrows threaded? I could go get the eyebrows done first. I am so tired, yet doing this might alleviate my tiredness somewhat.
I know I am sick because I was supposed to go to something yesterday evening at 7pm and I was too tired. All I had done all day was do the NCT and go out to work and then spend the day on the phone to the various journalists. This was nothing compared to a day teaching.
What should I do? I feel paralyzed with indecision and curiously downbeat. I have the weekend to look forward to, but that is not here now present and I also have the worry of not being well enough to enjoy it. Should I make an appointment for tomorrow or am I overthinking things? I feel I'm in and out of the surgery constantly and there's never much wrong with me.
The antidote to anxiety is action. I have lots of things to do and will feel better once they're done. It is the heat. I can't deal with this heat. What am I saying? Of course I can. It's not even hot by international standards, just a pleasant change from wet and freezing cold. I have lots to look forward to. And I have lots and lots of time on my hands. I have the whole summer in front of me. There is no pressure on me to do anything, or to make a "success" of my various trips. I'll be all done with them by the end of this month and still have July and most of August in which to relax and get all the various bits and pieces done.
If only I could breathe! Maybe I can breathe and it's just all my head that I can't.
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