Tuesday, 5 June 2018


Today is my second morning doing the Eldon book "The Miracle Morning". I have customised it considerably. I didn't do the excercise part this morning as I'm planning on doing a class in the gym later. I don't know though, if it's too soon to go back after my illness. On the other hand, the longer I leave it the harder it's going to become. I have booked Legs, Bums and Tums for 9.30, but I'm not going to go that because I have a higher priority.
So far this is going well and I was motivated to do a small clean-up last night as well. Order is being restored somewhat, as much as order can be. I am looking forward to the weekend and hoping it doesn't rain. This is the time of year for living. I woke up anxious about work. I have had no-one to really talk to about it all year. It is obvious now in hindsight that I was set up to fail, but I didn't see that. I really need to leave my job. I cannot write too much about it here. At least I have taken action in the form of enrolling for the MEd next year. And about time.
The meditation in the morning is working well, as is the reading. I wouldn't have thought of doing that before. Making time in the morning to read fiction. I am half-way through "Autumn". When does the writing start?
I go home too often. Any writing I ever did that was published anywhere I wrote while in Dublin or elsewhere away, where I didn't have to go home for weeks at a time. I don't really have to go home from here, but I do at least once a week. I never would have seen myself here, in this house.
Things that have upset me:
Getting the OL TY class
Things that have happened in my other class.
My desktop being taken away
The Belfast rape trial
The abortion referendum
My low B12 levels
This current sickness

Has this been a typically tough year? I can't say it has, and almost all the things on that list affect many more people than me. One thing is the letting go of the idea of having a baby. That happened during the year and has upset me more than all the others put together. I seem to lurch from one disaster to the next. Except they're not disasters, they're just ordinary life and its imperfections. As the Papa of my French exchange student used to say "Ce n'est pas un catastrophe!"
What might leaning in to imperfection look like? (awful sludge here). It's mean getting over that I didn't finish with my third years and similar things like that. It'd be being proud of my work with the fifth years. It'd mean, to some extent, getting over myself.
I didn't bring my spray SPF yesterday and was sorry afterwards. Why didn't I? I didn't treat myself as some-one I'm responsible for. This is from Jordan Peterson's book, which I like even though he's an ultracrepidarian with wrong views about make-up and women and "enforced monogamy". What would it mean to treat myself like some-one I'm responsible for? I'd have some food in the house for a start, and make sure I had a playdate for the National Theatre. The time is up now.

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