Tuesday, 5 June 2018


This appears to be working. I got up at half-five this morning, feeling I had something to do and to look forward to. Having said that, the house is a mess and I did zero cleaning yesterday. I didn't do a whole lot of correcting or report-filling either. Instead I manage to waste epic amounts of time on Twitter and YouTube. A nice amount of my YouTube time-wasting goes on watching the likes of Brian Johnson's Philisopher's Notes , which deal a lot with productiviity. I suspect I'm not alone in this; it's the equivalent of watching Nigella Lawson or Jamie Oliver while eating quick-cook ravioli. Cutting down on the amount of time I spend on these two sites would be a good thing on which to work. I will think of a plan.

Am half-way through Ali Smith's "Autumn". It is very good indeed and I wouldn't have started it if it weren't for the ten-minute morning reading time. I never made it to the gym yesterday. Instead I went to see some-one I know. I thought I would just go for a chat, but there was no-one else there and other things happened. How do I feel about this? Worried and ashamed. Like my life has been degraded a bit. Just brought low and debased, instead of aiming higher. He has given up in many ways, not that he was ever super-invested in morality. When I was there, I was able to rationalise it to myself, thinking this is all very French and like the real world is anyway. I was probably influenced by a Netflix documentary saying monogamy is unnatural. I don't think it is. I think maybe if you live in America where marriage means nothing and people are having affairs by the end of the honeymoon, maybe monogamy seems unnatural. But here, almost all my friends are monogamous. I'm sure it's not as perfectly so as it appears to me on the outside, but that's absolutely the consensus and - touch wood - none of my contemporaries has divorced.

Today will be busy. It's twenty-past seven now. I'd want to be leaving here at 8.40 and will be gone for the day. I feel nervous. It's the beginning of the exams. I have only one group, but even so.

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