WTS Day XXIX

Have fallen off all the bandwagons I am on. I went to TKMaxx yesterday and bought a product there. I had nothing on all day and was having an at-home day, tidying my house while listening to this podcast of Emma Guns interviewing Gretchen Rubin, reading "The War that Ended Peace" by Margaret Macmillan, doing yet another load of washing, cooking super-healthy baba ganoush for lunch. No sooner was the aubergine gone into the oven to roast did I remember that I had eaten the second half of the cashew nut butter that was in the press. I went to Marks and Spencers to buy more. My local M&S is a shopping centre where there is a small TKMaxx. I felt conflicted: 

A. I made a decision to stay out of there for at least two weeks. I've done a whole week. It's a matter of honour and self-discipline. I'll feel better if stick to my guns. On a superstitious level, life has been good to me lately and maybe there's a link to my embracing various forms of routine and resolutions. 

B. No-one would know and no objective harm would be done. It was only the little TKMaxx, not the main one. I was having a very unexciting day and five minutes wouldn't hurt. 

Reader, I caved. I almost bought a new workout top and then I actually did buy a Bliss Foot Patrol, even though I have two unopened ones here at home. For ages and ages they had none of these so I snapped two up the last time they had them, even though I have yet to finish the first one I bought. It's a really lovely, acidic, minty foot-cream that is heavenly used straight from the fridge on a hot day and the discount on Bliss is always decent. It was 8.99, not the end of the world, but it was ultimately close to a tenner on something I don't need. Plus, I had picked at the forming scab that was healing my shopping habit. 

That morning I had thought about going into town to write in the café that's under the TKMaxx in town, but I didn't go in, partly because I felt if I went in I'd end up dragging around the shops and frittering away money. This isn't just about the money. It's the time. It's the meaninglessness of it. So I didn't go. This was the right decision. There's being a flaneuse, and then there's being a sad creature who mopes around the shops without purpose or direction. 

The other bandwagon I fell off was the one I climbed on only yesterday. Having left a notebook and a biro next to my bed, I woke up and as per usual went straight to Twitter and continued the very debate that had delayed my going to sleep last night. I did remember and wrote a little, but by then it was too late. I think I'll stick a post-it on my phone tonight, or put Freedom on for longer. 

That's it. Will just have to pick myself up and keep going. Disgusted at my lapse yesterday and more committed than ever now to abstinence. 

WTS Day XXVI

One aspect of WTS I am struggling with is avoiding the sun. I came back from holidays determined to really avoid it this week, yet every day I have been out in it. Monday I went shopping, Tuesday I can't remember but there was something, Wednesday I walked over to some-one's house for lunch, yesterday I went out in the garden with my nephew. This is all less exposure than if I didn't think about it, but is still probably more than the average office-worker gets. I must become more disciplined where this is concerned. UV rays are at an all-time, crazy high. It was 29 degrees yesterday and set to go over 30 today. I feel guilty now about my four flights, with two more coming up in September. I know lots of people don't worry about flights, thinking the key to tackling global warming lies with governments. That is true, but in the age of Trump, we must all do what we can do. 

My own life is not eco-friendly in the slightest. I live alone, in a house I could have done more to insulate. I don't have solar panels, even though I love the idea of them.It is true that I retro-fitted an old house rather than building a new one. That is something. And it is much more energy-efficient than when I bought it. If back again I would insulate under the floor-boards and put in triple-glazed windows. I drive to work, in a B rated, diesel car. I am also guilty that I could have car-pooled twice as much as I did last year, but never got around to changing my supervision. It is quite probable that car-pooling will be out of the question next year and it definitely will the year after. But who knows after that. I could take the bus into town a lot more. Not that my driving into town is a huge source of CO2: it's only around a mile and a half. Maybe two miles. 

On the other hand I'm mostly vegetarian. I don't take a whole load of flights. I buy bar soap and butter not in tubs. I am delighted with Thinx: they are practical and have led to a real reduction in the amount of sanpro I am discarding. That is one small win. 

How is the Miracle Morning going? 

Silence: very well, doing this every morning, even when away.

Affirmations: was going well. My notebook still hasn't arrived and I think I'm going to have to start a new one. 

Visualisation: not doing this one. 

Exercise: a bit sporadic. Back in the gym again two days a week and most of the others doing a quick abs routine. Doing these in the morning does help, and sometimes I get into the shower amazed at how many things I've ticked off so early in the day. This actually saves on the willpower needed, while simultaneously fostering good habits and discipline. 

Reading: like silence, this is going really well. Every morning at home I set the alarm and read fiction for ten minutes. I don't bother with this while away because I'm good to read on trains and planes anyway. 

Scribing: This is what I have chosen to do for scribing. I am doing it every morning that I'm at home. When away I keep my paper diary. I wrote in the paper diary yesterday as well because I was afraid to discuss the big development here.

It is all a bit nuts, but it is helping. Helping what is the question. This sounds very self-helpy, but it's helping me live more intentionally and focus my attention. This in turn is making me less emotionally labile and better able to detach a bit from what certain other people think about me. 

Why Buying Books is Okay, Even When You Already Own a Copy

One week into the 90 day challenge and how's it looking? Today -  the first real test - was a partial success; I used two parking discs rather than paying for the multi-storey car-park; I escaped from TKMaxx with nothing more than an item of practical underwear, even though tempted by array of bargain-some beauty product. Why did I even go there in the first place? It's my habit: a habit compounded by the shop's addiction-forming variable-reward system.
I'd had lunch at home and met a friend for hot chocolate before caving and stocking up in M&S.  At that stage I was tired and knew full well that that was willpower-depletion. I could have chosen to push through, to go buy some real food from local businesses. But sometimes knowing why you're doing something doesn't make it easier to not do it. Or, it doesn't make it easier enough.
I also bought a book. Buying books is allowed, as I have rarely regretted buying a book. Even awful self-help books that seemed - on inspection in Waterstones - to hold the secret to transforming my life only to be lots and lots of wasted ink and dead tree. With books you have to kiss a lot of frogs. Not only will you meet some Book Princes, you will over time develop a sixth sense for a book's amphibian-factor. The book I bought today is a Prince. I knew it would be, being "Better than Before" the latest from Gretchen Rubin. Not only have I read Rubin's previous two books, I'd also read this book. I bought it last month. I am a Book-Buyer-Lender-Buyer. Lending books to other people is one of my life's greatest pleasures. It's akin to the hobby of match-making, although there is a downside. This is that a book on loan is not a book on the shelf. And a book on loan may sometimes become a book lost. So every now and again, I will deliberately buy a book rather than resent the very book-reader relationship that I myself set up.
I like Rubin's book. It's witty and thought provoking and I like that she eschews playing amateur cognitive psychologist (although there's plenty of reference to actual research) in favour of anecdote and personal musings.   I even like that she neatly insists that since I disagree totally with her unscientific division of humanity into four habit types (Upholders, Rebels, Obligers and Questioners), this very resistance indicates that I'm a "rebel".