WTS DAY XXXIV

Am not really in the form for doing anything, but am writing this so as not to miss an X on the Seinfeld-inspired calender. I have been starved of social outings and right now I am supposed to be at a MeetUp, but I amn't, obviously. The bus into town passed me as I crossed the road to the shop to purchase a San Pellegrino before it closed at 8 o'clock and I did have a mad notion of hopping on it (I should have been on it really) but being in my Penney's jeans and old shirt, with my make-up untouched since one o'clock, I decided against it. I am a flake. 

I am an exhausted flake. It is so hot! It's gone beyond funny at the stage. Am having an Fe tablet along with the San Pellegrino, in case the problem is anaemia. I got up late and was going to spend the day at home but the boredom got to me and I went into town. Yes, I fell. No, I did not purchase anything style/beauty related. Instead I went to Vibes n Scribes and spent forty-two euro on books. I got four books for that, which is good. I have one almost finished already: Jamie Bartlett's "The People v Tech". It confirmed what I already know, and was almost enough for me to spontaneously delete my Facebook account. I have considered this in the past, not just because of their data-gathering and ad-targeting, but also because of the baby photos and the holiday photos and the whole nauseating #blessed #family smorgasbord of smug. It's long gone from my phone. It is impossible to cut the cord though. How would I know? How would I know that the man I was in a relationship with this time two years ago has gotten engaged? How would I know that my university-friend who is at least two years older than I am is pregnant with her first baby? How could I keep watch for evidence that the Man Who Went to the Far East has finally settled-down out there? [the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence]. On a practical level, I am in two professionally-linked private groups. Facebook is handy for that kind of thing. It would be possible, of course, to close my personal account and rejoin the professional groups using a new account. They would know it was me, but I could pick a name that would not be recognisable, and have no pictures. That would be a solution. That I'm not considering it means I am afraid. Facebook does seem  like a way to "keep in touch", but this is an illusion. 

The other books I bought were James Comey's "A Higher Loyalty", "Move Fast and Break Things" by somebody (similar in theme to the Bartlett book) and a reference-guide to Greek mythology. I had intended to buy two Joseph O'Neill books in the secondhand section. They had at least two copies of all his books last week, but I had taken a punt only on "Netherland" and when I went back today for the others they were gone. Will end up buying them full-price in Waterstones. For my morning reading, I am going to switch back to William Trevor. I heard a Gretchen Rubin podcast yesterday that suggested, if you want to reprise a discontinued activity, to recreate the conditions under which you engaged in this activity regularly and with enthusiasm. When I was writing a lot I

-lived in Dublin

-was reading a lot of William Trevor

-was seeing a lot of plays

-was going out all the time

-had no laptop and was writing/typing on the communal computers in Trinity.

Maybe I could try the last strategy when I have my student ID for UCC. By the time I get one though, I'll be in the school phase of my bimodal work schedule. I don't think an internet café would work in the same way. In fact, the computer labs in summer would be the perfect place to be writing. I will get on to this problem next week. Of course, an alternative would be to bring the laptop over to the college and find a place to work over there. I'd need to buy a decent case to carry the thing in. Now that's a shopping expedition I could engage in without feeling guilty. 

WTS Day XXI

I have made it to Day 21, but my 5 Minute Journal hasn't. I think I left in the hotel in Dublin , where I stayed on Friday night. I have rung them but they haven't found it. There is a possibility that it'll turn up here, but I doubt it will. That is because there is only one place in the case where it would have been, and it's not there. I wrote in it yesterday morning, but must have missed it when it came to packing up. Maybe it is a good idea to bring my packing list with me for packing for home as well as packing for departure.
The reason I was looking for it was to make a list of the Lessons of the Day I have been learning since starting WTS. Because it has been so hard I feel like I need to at least have learnt some lessons from the experience.
I certainly didn't feel like I was winning the summer when sitting on the 102 bus in from Dublin Airport. The sun was beating in on me and I couldn't get comfortable as the bus lurched and stopped and my case was banging against my legs. I was so sick of that case, having spent the week minding it and watching it and bringing it everywhere with me. The flight had started badly with me spilling half a bottle of Diet Coke over Keith Duffy's immaculate runners. Then we were held on the plane for ages as they didn't have the sky-bridge ready. Then I didn't know where the 102 went from (though in fairness it didn't take me too long to find it). Then I was the only person who wanted to get off at the tennis club, but I didn't press the bell and the bus was on to the next stop before I got off. I was frazzled in the extreme, but the hotel was lovely and I slept almost as well as I would have at home.
I was also pre-menstrual the whole time. These things happen. But that is probably the biggest factor in how overwhelmed I felt. I was having a nervous breakdown on the bus, hyperventilating and moaning, with other passengers asking if I was okay. I just couldn't cope any more. And my ears had popped  during the quick landing.
I felt relief this morning that I have my travel over with for the summer. I know that when it beds down it will have done me good. I saw things I hadn't seen before. Even though I though Bordeaux would be my main holiday and was pissed off with myself for booking the London trip at all, it was the London trip I got more out of in the end. I think I appreciated it so much after the experience in France. I saw the Westfield shopping centre, and the V&A, and I went to the big Waterstones in Piccadilly(waste really) and went to the National Theatre and I  met two friends on consecutive nights. I love London and am hopping mad over Brexit. Like most thinking people. I felt like I could have spent more time there, and I'm looking forward to going back in September. I think I might change my flight to earlier in the day that Friday, to give myself more time. The one thing I really missed was having the laptop to write in and blog as well. I think I could invest in a portable laptop, definitely.
The Westfield shopping centre was the most interesting thing I saw and I could have gone back there to do some shopping on the second day. The sales were on and all the chain-stores are cheaper there anywhere even outside of the sales. It is Europe's largest shopping centre but there is no bookshop there. On the one hand, the choice is intoxicating, but on the other the empty consumerism is nauseating. I am conflicted between wanting to have nice things and live as elegant a lifestyle as I can, and feeling that none of those things matter and they are a false trap for my attention. Coming to a compromise here is something worth thinking about. I think scheduling and limiting the amount of time devoted to shopping is part of the solution.