WTS Day XXIX

Have fallen off all the bandwagons I am on. I went to TKMaxx yesterday and bought a product there. I had nothing on all day and was having an at-home day, tidying my house while listening to this podcast of Emma Guns interviewing Gretchen Rubin, reading "The War that Ended Peace" by Margaret Macmillan, doing yet another load of washing, cooking super-healthy baba ganoush for lunch. No sooner was the aubergine gone into the oven to roast did I remember that I had eaten the second half of the cashew nut butter that was in the press. I went to Marks and Spencers to buy more. My local M&S is a shopping centre where there is a small TKMaxx. I felt conflicted: 

A. I made a decision to stay out of there for at least two weeks. I've done a whole week. It's a matter of honour and self-discipline. I'll feel better if stick to my guns. On a superstitious level, life has been good to me lately and maybe there's a link to my embracing various forms of routine and resolutions. 

B. No-one would know and no objective harm would be done. It was only the little TKMaxx, not the main one. I was having a very unexciting day and five minutes wouldn't hurt. 

Reader, I caved. I almost bought a new workout top and then I actually did buy a Bliss Foot Patrol, even though I have two unopened ones here at home. For ages and ages they had none of these so I snapped two up the last time they had them, even though I have yet to finish the first one I bought. It's a really lovely, acidic, minty foot-cream that is heavenly used straight from the fridge on a hot day and the discount on Bliss is always decent. It was 8.99, not the end of the world, but it was ultimately close to a tenner on something I don't need. Plus, I had picked at the forming scab that was healing my shopping habit. 

That morning I had thought about going into town to write in the café that's under the TKMaxx in town, but I didn't go in, partly because I felt if I went in I'd end up dragging around the shops and frittering away money. This isn't just about the money. It's the time. It's the meaninglessness of it. So I didn't go. This was the right decision. There's being a flaneuse, and then there's being a sad creature who mopes around the shops without purpose or direction. 

The other bandwagon I fell off was the one I climbed on only yesterday. Having left a notebook and a biro next to my bed, I woke up and as per usual went straight to Twitter and continued the very debate that had delayed my going to sleep last night. I did remember and wrote a little, but by then it was too late. I think I'll stick a post-it on my phone tonight, or put Freedom on for longer. 

That's it. Will just have to pick myself up and keep going. Disgusted at my lapse yesterday and more committed than ever now to abstinence. 

WTS Day XXIII

Will have to become more disciplined with this. It's twenty-five to eleven already and I have been up since half-seven. That is more than three hours to meditate, walk up to the shop, have breakfast, read ten minutes' worth of Joseph O'Neill's "Neverland", call the person I'm not supposed to be calling (call lasted ten minutes which is much shorter than normal) and turn on the computer. All that except the phone call could have been done in under an hour. I still have not exercised yet. That is supposed to slot in before reading time, but I have been excusing myself on the grounds of stiffness and saying I'll fit it in later but of course that doesn't happen. 

It is good to get up early these mornings as once the heat sets in it's impossible to get anything done. I have ordered Dorothea Brande's book from amazon, even though giving up amazon/bookdepository is supposed to be one of my goals. I am determined to do some actual writing today. Yesterday all I did was enter the Moth Prize, and send a story to The Stinging Fly. That's important too though. I end up entering the same competitions every year and missing the same competitions every year because the deadlines pass me by during the year. This is purely a case of failure to prioritise. 

My latest discovery is the Emma Guns Podcast. In particular her series on 26Habits. She has a lovely speaking voice and covers topics I am interested in. I have decided to start my own 26Habits series, to run concurrently with WTS (which is soon to run concurrently with Plastic-Free July). My first habit challenge is going to be staying out of all TKMaxx shops for two solid weeks. I am a TKMaxx whore and spend far too much time and money in there. Yes, it is often very good value and I have bought good things there like my winter coat that I wear all the time, but I have developed a checking habit. It is the vestiges of my evolutionary hunter-gatherer past. Here was a good shrub for berries. It's not 100% reliable but that only adds to the urge to check, unpredictable reward schedules being the key to reinforcing behaviour and all that. My most frequent purchases from there are beauty products, and I do not need Another Cleanser or Lovely Shower-gel. I say this partly because there was excellent value in the Heathrow Duty-Free and I held back thinking of all my stash I still have to get through and the bulk of the beauty fatberg is product purchased in TKMaxx. 

I have only one more big event to go in my Win the Summer schedule and that is a three-day writing course. The week before I have been invited to join my brother and his wife at her parents' holiday home. I am tempted but the last thing I want is to be spending hours on the beach or going on enforced marches (sorry, walks) on long, low-hedged country roads. If I could go and just hole up in my room. One way it would be good is that I could bring the laptop but there is, AFAIK, no wifi down there. Will see.