|That's me on 24.My next throw's a four|
I sat at my desk/kitchen table with the words of the official hanging on my heart.. I felt weary and disheartened, like I'd landed on a snake and had to slide down its back to a square I'd passed two years ago.
I looked at my stack of envelopes and wondered how I'd ever bring myself to open the first one. Resentment to be working at all during "the holidays" combined with the boredom I could almost smell wafting out of them. Then my mother rang and was all sympathy, so much I felt annoyed. I found myself thinking, while on the 'phone "Come on, it's not that bad". In a way she must have said the right thing, although she said almost nothing, because I came off the 'phone thinking "Alright, let's do this."
"This" meant opening the packets and starting work but also a more general commitment to Getting On with Things. First I rang the union. They'd call me back later. I corrected away for the morning, and then I photocopied the letter at the library, went to the beautician ( not crucial to my contract but maintenance is still important) and stocked up on groceries. Groceries consists mostly of Diet Coke; making sure I always have a supply is just about the only New Year's Resolution that has made it to July.
I also have the work to do of typing up the short story I finished yesterday. Realising I'd actually finished the thing that I'd started months ago was quite a ladder to land on. A step, indeed, towards the mountain. I can't wait to see it printed and lined up in front of me in neat, double-spaced lines. it'll be like old times.
Getting On With Things can be sensible, and reminds me of this Brian Johnson video I saw on www.mindbodygreen.com . There's a lot to be said for recognising a setback as minor and just getting on with gritmin of life, as Ruth Field calls it. There is a danger this can be confused with "soldiering on" under conditions where the limitations are internal rather than circumstantial. I mean going to work when sick - or just sick and tired of work - and not acknowledging the paradox that a single person who lives alone and doesn't work long hours can need a day off to do nothing. Does anyone else do this? Carry on and on instead of pulling back? Not that I'm a workaholic. My relationship with work is more cordial alliance than passionate affair. Soldiering on is more about me seeing myself as a brave Stakhanovite getting so much done when feeling so bad, when those around me just think "she seems a bit distracted."
I didn't feel exhausted this morning, just dejected and discouraged.it turned out I was quite capable of getting quite a bit done.. Loads more to do tomorrow.