Saturday, 7 July 2018


Am not really in the form for doing anything, but am writing this so as not to miss an X on the Seinfeld-inspired calender. I have been starved of social outings and right now I am supposed to be at a MeetUp, but I amn't, obviously. The bus into town passed me as I crossed the road to the shop to purchase a San Pellegrino before it closed at 8 o'clock and I did have a mad notion of hopping on it (I should have been on it really) but being in my Penney's jeans and old shirt, with my make-up untouched since one o'clock, I decided against it. I am a flake. 
I am an exhausted flake. It is so hot! It's gone beyond funny at the stage. Am having an Fe tablet along with the San Pellegrino, in case the problem is anaemia. I got up late and was going to spend the day at home but the boredom got to me and I went into town. Yes, I fell. No, I did not purchase anything style/beauty related. Instead I went to Vibes n Scribes and spent forty-two euro on books. I got four books for that, which is good. I have one almost finished already: Jamie Bartlett's "The People v Tech". It confirmed what I already know, and was almost enough for me to spontaneously delete my Facebook account. I have considered this in the past, not just because of their data-gathering and ad-targeting, but also because of the baby photos and the holiday photos and the whole nauseating #blessed #family smorgasbord of smug. It's long gone from my phone. It is impossible to cut the cord though. How would I know? How would I know that the man I was in a relationship with this time two years ago has gotten engaged? How would I know that my university-friend who is at least two years older than I am is pregnant with her first baby? How could I keep watch for evidence that the Man Who Went to the Far East has finally settled-down out there? [the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence]. On a practical level, I am in two professionally-linked private groups. Facebook is handy for that kind of thing. It would be possible, of course, to close my personal account and rejoin the professional groups using a new account. They would know it was me, but I could pick a name that would not be recognisable, and have no pictures. That would be a solution. That I'm not considering it means I am afraid. Facebook does seem  like a way to "keep in touch", but this is an illusion. 
The other books I bought were James Comey's "A Higher Loyalty", "Move Fast and Break Things" by somebody (similar in theme to the Bartlett book) and a reference-guide to Greek mythology. I had intended to buy two Joseph O'Neill books in the secondhand section. They had at least two copies of all his books last week, but I had taken a punt only on "Netherland" and when I went back today for the others they were gone. Will end up buying them full-price in Waterstones. For my morning reading, I am going to switch back to William Trevor. I heard a Gretchen Rubin podcast yesterday that suggested, if you want to reprise a discontinued activity, to recreate the conditions under which you engaged in this activity regularly and with enthusiasm. When I was writing a lot I
-lived in Dublin
-was reading a lot of William Trevor
-was seeing a lot of plays
-was going out all the time
-had no laptop and was writing/typing on the communal computers in Trinity.
Maybe I could try the last strategy when I have my student ID for UCC. By the time I get one though, I'll be in the school phase of my bimodal work schedule. I don't think an internet café would work in the same way. In fact, the computer labs in summer would be the perfect place to be writing. I will get on to this problem next week. Of course, an alternative would be to bring the laptop over to the college and find a place to work over there. I'd need to buy a decent case to carry the thing in. Now that's a shopping expedition I could engage in without feeling guilty. 

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